When Fariza (name changed) was seven years old, she was subjected to sexual abuse by a relative. Too young to comprehend what was happening with her, she kept suffering silently. Years have passed since she silently underwent the trauma, but the ghosts of her past continue to haunt her even today.
“Today, when I see him protecting his daughter from all kinds of harm, I laugh a lot and cry a little. At times, I just want to ask him why he ruined my childhood?” says Fariza, 20.
Fariza says Zain (name changed), her second cousin, used to sexually abuse her every three or four months when he would visit her home. The abuse continued for five years, robbing her of her childhood.
When the memories of the abuse come back in flashes, Fariza can feel a tremor pass through her body. “I was a child and I couldn’t understand what was happening with me but as I think about it today, I feel dirty within,” she says.
The molester was known to Fariza and her family trusted him. On the pretext of playing games with her or buying her candies, Zain would often take Fariza along and abuse her sexually.
“We think children are safe inside their homes. Strangely, I used to be abused on the second floor of my own house,” says Fariza.
In a conservative society like Kashmir, the cases of child abuse, particularly sexual in nature, are brushed under the carpet. Like most of the survivors, Fariza too didn’t confide in her parents. Even to this day, her parents are unaware of the trauma their daughter has gone through.
Fariza says not speaking about it to anyone has two reasons: Fear and societal pressure. She hadn’t shared the traumatic experience with anyone until recently when she confided in one of her friends.
“It takes strength to speak up especially when the abuser is in the family,” she says.
“Now that Zain has children of his own, I don’t think I will ever muster the courage to protest,” she adds.
Every time Fariza was abused, Zain would try to keep her calm lest she becomes a threat to him. “I used to hesitate and move away but he would grab me and say everything is okay ‘beta’.”
One episode during which Fariza was abused for hours haunts her the most. It happened during a family function at her house. “Everyone was enjoying outside but I was stuck with him in the house,” she recalls. “He grabbed my hand and made me touch his private parts. I was uncomfortable and was trying to take my hand away but he held it tightly,” she says.
Zain would often give Fariza a candy and ask her not to tell anyone anything.
“My parents could see a candy in my hand, but I wish they could have seen what I was going through to receive it.” The trauma has changed Fariza, but she says she sees no regret in Zain.
“We often get to face each other at family functions but I don’t let his presence affect me,” she says. “There are days when I think too much about it and want to hit him hard in the face.”
Rayees (name changed), 20, was in Class 4th when he was sexually abused by the house help. He continues to live with the trauma. “These crimes can never be gender specific and it is high time for our society to accept that boys can be sexually abused too,” he says.
“Since men don’t come forward and speak about their abuse due to the social construct, we often think this ordeal has nothing to do with them and it is absolutely wrong to think so,” says Rayees.
Child sexual abuse remains one of the most undebated topics in the Valley. Many surveys say that in a majority of cases, the culprits are known to the victims.
Dr Syeda Nida Zahra, who is a psychologist, believes that society’s silence on the issue gives a free hand to abusers. “Every time a parent, guardian or head of an educational institution remains silent over a child abuse case, they sow the seeds for more such cases in the future.”
Dr Nida says as these children grow up, they often overthink and reflect upon their childhood and end up in an emotional conflict. “If not treated at the right time, some children may develop mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety or fall into the menace of substance abuse,” she says.
As per the official data, 343 child sexual abuse cases were reported from January to November in 2020, while only 35 such cases were reported annually from 2015 to 2018.
Child rights lawyer Syed Mujtaba says an increase has been seen in the child sexual abuse cases since 2019. Mujtaba said there could possibly be two reasons for the sudden increase in cases. First, the extension of the Central government’s Child Protection Services Scheme to J&K after the Kathua rape case and second, extending the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Amendment Act, 2019, to J&K after the abrogation of Article 370.
Child right activists say parents must educate children about healthy boundaries and keep conversations open so that they talk about their problems at the right time.
Sualiha Zubair
